Wasteland Critters
by Richard Chaos
Summary: You'd think when Santa himself had slain the little Woodland Critters they'd stay dead! Boy, did that nasty Satan have an otherworldly plan in his head...


A/N: A friend and I were looking through ridiculous fanfiction one day. Eventually we came to Fallout ones, seeing what it had been crossed over with. Seeing a particularly poor South Park one, we theorised just what would make a good mix.

Thus, the Woodland Critters come to the Wasteland. PLEASE, encourage me to write part II.

* * *

Swampland stirred, the air ever so thick. Then something appeared, you might believe it was a trick! But this was no deception, a portal was open wide. It contained the spirits of a certain few critters, who had only just died.

"Yay!" They all shouted, in triumphant chorus. "We've alive again, in a new land just for us!"

The critters all emerged, returned one and all. They looked around as if it were a makeshift roll call. Stood proud were Squirrely the Squirrel, Rabbity the Rabbit, Beavery the Beaver, Beary the Bear, Porcupiney the Porcupine, Skunky the Skunk, Foxy the Fox, Deery the Deer, Woodpeckery the Woodpecker, Mousey the Mouse, Raccoony the Raccoon and Chickadee-y the Chickadee – reunited in a world that was no longer cartoon!

"Oh boy!" Beary shouted with glee. "That long trip sure filled me up with eye-socket pee!"

"Now, come on y'all," Squirrely said – to calm the critters down! "We have a lot to figure out about where we are now," he tried not to frown.

"Aww..." Beary moaned sadly. "But I want to start peeing in someone's eye-socket really badly."

"Calm down everyone!" Stepped in Deery, she wanted to keep every critter cheery.

"I think we should look around!" Rabbity hopped up to the centre and suggested – delighted with their escape. "At best, we might find a local to gangrape!"

"I deduce this is the correct course of action!" Mousey made sure to add, to help in keeping every critter from going mad!

Meanwhile not too far away in the place, several native swampfolk were dancing – quite off of their face! They were sharing deformed sniggers and hyucks, moving around a small fire – trinkets nearby for luck. The fire lit up the area near their small little shack, but all of a sudden they hear the sound of a little twig... _crack!_

"That yew, Cousin?" a scrappy looking folk asked aloud. "I can hear somethin' movin' around!"

The festivities stopped as suspicion was aroused, what could this tall grass before them have housed? The swampfolk numbered 5 to be precise; two scrappy looking cousins, a creeper and two large, obvious brawlers – none of them looking so nice!

"We'll git you!" The scrappy folk cried. But no response came, no matter how his voice tried!

So they got together in a family pack, but unlike their parents no-one was on their back. The swampfolk began to hunt, trawling through the grass. Little did they know, critters were eyeing up their collective ass!

Yelp! A clear cry for help.

The family turned, horrified to discover... they were now missing a cousin, uncle and brother. The 4 that remained were confused and lost. This idle staring would be of great cost.

Suddenly a squirrel pounced from the grass and the creeper swampfolk let out a cry! It only got worse when that rascal Squirrely put his little squirrel penis into the creepy, deformed eye!

"Now come on y'all!" Squirrely ignored the panicked screaming. "We've got plenty of flesh to eat afterwards," he said with a face that was positively beaming.

The Swampfolk were helpless as more critters emerged with a very nasty plot, the poor old inbreds couldn't manage to fire off a single shot...

As screams echoed through the swampland and blood was spilled, a Lone Wanderer disembarked a boat at the docks – and boy was he thrilled! Some time away from the Wastes was just what he needed, his mind was filled with positives as into the night, he proceeded.

We rejoin the critters after their slaughter, they were wondering why this family were missing a daughter. Chickadee-y and Woodpeckery thoroughly enjoy themselves in the background, blood and bird moaning abound!

"Oh, dear..." Porcupiney lamented and rubbed her tummy. "I wish the Dark Lord would come and do that to me," she used the mutated flesh as comfort food – yummy!

Skunky the Skunk moved over to his friend, "I hate to see you looking down Porcupiney – so why not try shoving a spike in this dead guy's rear end!"

The pairs of critters smile as they get on with this misdeed, the rest of the critters are sharing a body to use as their feed.

"Drink the blood, drink the filthy blood!" Rabbity excitedly declared. "May no virgins of this world be spared!"

The adorable Rabbity proceeded to dive into into the large Swampfolk blood pool, with adorable plans to render this world ready for Satan's rule.

Beary the Bear rose up from the corpse with flesh still on his face, "Well golly gee you guys... I want to use our Satanic powers to torch this place!"

The critters all sprang up in a chorus of cheer, surely a sign like this the entire world would fear! So the critters closed their eyes and summoned their dark power, when they reopened they were united in a joint red glower!

"Yay! Yay!"

The critters rejoice as dark clouds fill the night skies, their powers finally cause a demonic flame to arise! It lights up the shack and consumes it in a flash ever so quick, the critters roar with laughter as the heat burns away all traces of hick...

Our Wanderer meanwhile has stopped off at the Homestead Motel, needing the safe house in what is yet another post-apocalyptic hell. After rooting through a Chinaman's possessions, he went to the window to consider his wasteland transgressions. The unusually smoky sky turned from night to the morn, he made sure to sleep for all of the new experiences that were to be born...


End file.
